"Heart on a String"
Painted in Pawleys Island, South Carolina  in 1997.

  • 36" X 36"

  • Acrylic

  • Stretched Canvas

  • Unframed

250-836-2133

NOT FOR SALE

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CANADIAN
I woke up this morning feeling my heart full of love. I remember so many years of feeling alone and on some level unworthy of being loved. I came from a very difficult beginning that did not have a normal marriage or family system role model to establish a solid emotional foundation. My father died when I was 6 months old and my poor little mom did the best she could trying to work full time as a high school history teacher and to raise three daughters by herself. She was very brave and stumbled through those difficult years as best she could but the truth of the matter was that there just wasn’t enough time and energy in every day for her to cater to everyone’s needs. Her first order of business was to earn enough income to feed us. She worked all day at school teaching and then worked all night at home on lesson plans and marking exams. She loved us dearly but did not have a lot of time for us. Consequently we all unconsciously attracted many friends and potential mates who did not have a lot of time for us either.

My mother was very intuitive and I remember that she told me that I would not meet my husband until I was 42. I was devastated and tried numerous times to prove her wrong. Most of the boyfriends that I attached myself to were not emotionally available to me. Most of my female friends in those early years also proved to be unreliable when I really needed support. I also was afraid to be alone so there were many times when I surrounded myself with people, most of whom did not care about me, just so I wouldn’t have that empty feeling inside.  It wasn’t until I was in my mid thirties that I started to understand that the emptiness I felt inside was the result of me not being emotionally available to myself.  I woke up one day and found that I was surrounded by people who did not care about me and that in most of these relationships I was doing all the work.  It was the greatest revelation in my life. The void that I was feeling in my gut was a result of the lack of self love. I had accomplished many things as a co-dependent over achiever and I probably wouldn’t have gone as far as I have if I had not been seeking everyone’s approval and trying to get as much attention as possible.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that everything happens for a reason and that people are led through their lives by the subtle order of the Universe. My point is this. We all gravitate towards those things that we learn as children because that is what is normal to us.  It is not until we start to take responsibility for ourselves emotionally that we may question our patterns and cycles. It is not until we love ourselves that we find others who will also love us the way we want and deserve to be loved.

So if you are feeling lonely or empty or unloved, make sure that it is not something that you are unconsciously manifesting for yourself. Remember, the essence of your spirit is pure love.  If you tap into your own soul you will find the greatest love of all.

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MOTHERWELL TAROT DIRECTORY

Wednesday, 03. September 2008 12:27:34 PM -0700
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